ALL OF US know that child abuse is a crime. We read books and articles on the issue, condemn it, feel sorry about the victims, criticize those who commit this crime and carry on with our daily chores. There are only handfuls among us who have the courage to defend their children against this crime. What are the rest of us...? Cowards.
This is the story of my friend, Abhilasha Suri, 24 (name has been changed on request). As the world observes the United Nations Day today, I would like to share a few instances from Abhilasha’s life that changed her outlook on life forever.
Abhilasha was born in a nuclear family in Delhi but was sent to stay at her grandparents’ house in Saharanpur, UP, only after a week. Both her parents were working and could not afford to stay at home and look after their infant daughter.
When Abhilasha was four years old her grandmother passed away and her parents were left with no other option but to take her with them. For Abhilasha, her grandparents were her mom and dad. In the last four years she had never heard from her parents who lived in the city and could not take out the time to meet their daughter.
Abhilasha was supposed to move in with strangers at the age of four. Adjustment problems soon began for the girl. She was unaware of the changes that were to take place. Her parents left for work very early in the morning and came back in the evening. They often left her in the care of neighbors who neglected the child completely. If Abhilasha ever complained to her parents about this, she was scolded.
Both parents were impatient with the child and even started to spank her on small things. Abhilasha was traumatized about having lost her grandmother and her own parents failed to understand her. She stopped trusting her parents and from then on kept her thoughts only to herself.
At the age of seven, Abhilasha was playing at a neighbor’s house when Vijay, their eighteen year old son came to her. He was the only person who spent time with Abhilasha. He’d bring her chocolates and candy and play with her. Little did the child know of the evil intentions behind his sweetness. Vijay told Abhilasha that he would give her the sweets if she touched him and kissed him. It was the first time she was sexually abused.
At the age of thirteen, Abhilasha was at her cousin’s wedding when her uncle (father’s brother), molested her. She wanted it to stop, but was too embarrassed and humiliated to say anything to him. She went numb and couldn’t gather the courage to face him. Afterwards, she felt guilty, even though it wasn’t her fault. A few weeks later, she gathered her courage and told her mother about what had happed. To her dismay, she was told to shut up and never speak a word about it with someone else.
According to her mother, her relationship with her husband could destroy if she said anything about his brother. No one would believe it.
After giving her board exams, Abhilasha went to visit her aunt and her three daughters in Kanpur. She was in the kitchen one evening preparing tea, when her aunt’s father-in-law molested her. Abhilasha says, “I was bewildered by the fact that someone my grandfather’s age could do something so nasty. Where was god and why did such people exist?”
Complaining was not the solution, so Abhilasha decided to fight the enemy on her own. She knew that no one would support her. The only hope she had was from her teacher. When her school re-opened, she approached her class teacher, who empathized with her. Abhilasha felt relieved and thanked God that at least one person in the whole world trusted her.
But her hopes were soon crashed to the ground when her parents were informed about this. They stopped Abhilasha from going to school and began to lock her in the house.
Abhilasha was not allowed to visit her friends, receive any phone calls and was kept concealed within the four walls of the house. “Even the neighbors did not know that I was in town.”
Then one day, she managed to escape. She went to a police station and complained, but nobody was ready to listen to her. They too, eventually called her parents and she was taken back home.
Then onwards, Abhilasha, once a bright student began to perform badly in her exams (she was appearing privately). She lost track of all her aspirations and nothing ever mattered to her. For two years she lived in isolation. When she turned 18, her parents could not threaten to lock her up or beat her. She began to live on her own.
She suffered from chronic depression and often had mood swings; she could not differentiate between well wishers and enemies. She began to take drugs and alcohol as she thought it could relieve her from her worries. Multiple affairs and life on the fast lane became her lifestyle. She resorted to giving physical pain to her own self by cutting herself with knives and blades forgot all about love and hope and gave way to self-destruction. She felt that she had been killed by her own parents.
She found a father figure in a man, 22 years her elder. When she sought love, he made love to her. Soon, he hurt her by denouncing her physical appearances. It broke her heart. Abhilasha sought and found affection in the company of her women friends.
Then she met Mahe through a friend. He was on a visit to Delhi. They seemed to click instantly and became very good friends. She confided in Mahe about her life and he seemed to understand. He told her that she felt her life was over because she had stopped looking beyond what happened to her.
Mahe said, “You need to prove it to the world that you are not what you seem to be. You must live a normal life because there is nothing abnormal about you. I think you must have children of your own and protect them from all that has happened to you.”
Mahe eventually proposed to Abhilasha but she is unable to decide whether she should go ahead and marry him or fight her fears on her own.
Abhilasha says, “I realize that in our country people lack awareness about their children’s rights and cannot defend them from pedophiles because they are scared to ruin their family name. Mothers are scared to protect their children because they do not wish to spoil their own marriage. After all, what will they do once their husband throws them out?”
Nishtha Bajaj, psychologist says, “Child abuse in the form of neglect, physical and sexual abuse is prevalent in the society but very few families are able to protect their children from its evil clutches. This is because of lack of awareness and the overall set-up of our society. Children are not educated in the family to say No around someone they feel uncomfortable with. They don’t even know what is happening to them most of the time. Parents need to trust their children and keep them away from any possible danger.”
Kanika Chawla, teacher says, “A child usually confides in one of the parents. If your child ever reports of any incident that is likely to trigger suspicion, you must not feel embarrassed to discuss about it and must raise your voice. Your child will appreciate that and it will enable him/her to trust you more often.”
Child Abuse in a rampant problem glaring in our faces. It is our children we happen to be talking about and we need to protect them. We need to make sure that the laws in our country are implemented and we mustn’t let the criminal walk away as this will only encourage him.
Listen to your child and believe him.
Never scold your child if he approaches you with a problem.
Tell him to raise his voice if he feels uncomfortable around a stranger/relative/person.
Never leave your children with neighbors, friends, relatives, servants, and drivers
Spend quality time with your children.
Remember that your child is your responsibility and any particular action can destroy or build the faith.
Never make the child feel guilty for something he/she is not responsible for
If your child behaves strangely due to some reason discuss it with him
If your child suddenly stops socializing, talk to him
If he/she refuses to go near a specific person, do not force him
Child abuse can destroy a life. The person may go away but the scars are left behind forever. It is impossible to erase them from the victim’s memory. It often becomes a lifelong saga.
None of us would want our precious little ones to grow up troubled and unable to trust anyone. Abhilasha sleeps with the light on…. would we want something as scary as this to happen to someone we love? Imagine living a life of constant fear and anxiety, unable to take ant decisions… unwilling to even trust one’s own self.
By Simara Starr
Source: http://www.merinews.com/
Forget yourself for others, and others will never forget you.
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