More than 30 million people in this country are currently caring for older family members. Fifteen percent of these caregivers, or more than 5 million, live one or more hours away from their elders.
As I write this, I am sitting in my old bedroom in the house where I grew up in Connecticut. After work yesterday afternoon, I drove here because I'm taking my 90- and 91-year-old parents to some medical appointments. Although I live more than three hours away from them now, I do my best to share some of the responsibility for their care.
In many ways, our situation is fortunate. My parents are still living independently and they are both in reasonably good health for their ages.
We have a wonderful, supportive family in the area. My brother, who lives nearby, devotes several hours a week to them.
As a wife, mother and business owner, I am extraordinarily busy, but I have a certain amount of flexibility with my schedule, which enables me to occasionally relieve my brother from taking too much time away from his job.
Many families are not so lucky. Often, adult children who don't have support systems near their elders have to rely on reports from paid caregivers about daily events. Just as often, they have to arrange and then rearrange work schedules, business trips and doctors' appointments. The task can be difficult, stressful and time consuming, but there are a number of steps you can take to make the task more manageable.
Gather information
Determine what type of help is needed. Involve the elders themselves in the process as much as possible.
In situations where there is no family member nearby, it might make sense to hire a professional geriatric care manager who can assess an elder's needs and who, if necessary, can provide ongoing case management. The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers has a Web site (www.caremanager.org ) that provides links to association members, many of whom are former nurses or social workers.
A professional geriatric care manager might charge $100 to $500 for an assessment and $60 to $90 an hour for ongoing care. If you choose this option, work with geriatric managers who are licensed or certified by the states in which they work and be sure to conduct a full background check before you hire anyone. Many states and municipalities have benefits and resources that can be used by qualifying individuals to help cover the costs of some of these services.
Another resource, the Eldercare Locator (www.eldercare.gov ), can tell you which local agencies provide services and will refer you to the area agency on aging in your parents' community.
Be prepared
Before a crisis occurs, complete a "caregiver emergency information" kit, which should contain all necessary medical, financial and legal information, including doctors, medications, insurance information, assets, Social Security numbers, wills, living wills, durable powers of attorney and health care directives. Ask your elders to be sure their financial advisers and health care providers have copies of the documents on file to enable them to discuss the elders' finances and health with you.
The AARP has useful long-distance care giving resources at its Web site, www.aarp.org.
Develop an informal network
Experts say adult children should establish an informal local support system composed of family, neighbors, friends, clergy and others who might be able to help, especially when the adult child lives far away. Introduce yourself to your elders' neighbors and friends and keep their phone numbers and addresses handy.
If an adult child can't reach a parent, calling someone in that informal network can provide peace of mind. My parents' next-door neighbors are wonderful, and I keep their phone number with me in case I sense there's a problem that can't wait until my brother arrives.
Don't rely solely on third-party reports
Try to visit older family members every few months to check for signs of trouble, which might include changes in personal hygiene, old food in the refrigerator and chores not done. Caring for an elderly parent from a distance is definitely a challenge, but with planning, communication and cooperation, the task should become less stressful.
By Elaine Morgillo,a Certified Financial Planner
Source: http://www.seacoastonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071118/BIZ/711180325/-1/OPINION05
Forget yourself for others, and others will never forget you.
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