Remember ME - You Me and Dementia

Friday, January 18, 2008

Tips to Improve a Child’s Relation With the Parents

No matter if you are a teenager or just married, you can be certain that your parents are still considering you their child, and would do anything to help you further. However, most parents think they should get involved in their children’s lives even when they shouldn’t, just because they feel (and are) responsible or because they need to be in control.

These can all lead to battleground instead of quality, peaceful family time and before it happens there are a few things you can do improve your relation with your parents.

Discuss your problems

Young people are always very quick at taking radical measures when problems occur and this may not be the best option. If you don’t like the way you’ve been treated or you want your parents to do something your first move is to discuss your problem with them.

If you don’t, and choose a quick option like leaving home to get the stress away, the only results you will get is having your parents worried, maybe the Police on your trails and so on. Why you did it may never get discussed and you and your parents go back to square one. Here are a few tips on how to talk to your parents.

Comfortable and relaxed.
Make sure you or your parents are comfortable and relaxed before you start a conversation about your relation. If you find them in a bad time the result is obvious, and you may not like it.

Focus on your discussion.
Don’t watch TV, cook or play a video game while you are supposed to discuss important relation issues with your parents. Don’t be sarcastic or roll your eyes, show them respect instead and you will get respect.

Be calm.
Using a warm voice tone in a discussion is always much more productive than one where people are screaming. Being cool when the discussion gets heated up, shows maturity and allows you to think well before giving an answer.

The thing parents hate is hearing “because I want to” or “because I say so” instead of the reason why you want or say so. Explain to them why it should be your way, otherwise your parents will think that you are against everything the say, no matter what it is.

Don’t interrupt.
No one likes to be interrupted when they speak. So, unless you want your speech to be interrupted don’t do it.

Understand your parents

This is the life cycle with most of us becoming parents one day, and believe it or not we could face the same problems. You should understand that a responsible parent wishes only the best for you, but saying it may not be perfect: too much love, over-protecting and so on.

Moving out.
Seeing their child go to college or moving to another state/city is very hard for a parent. This is why you should keep communication channels, like phone calls, emails, post cards, open. Pay them a visit from time to time to remind them how important they are, even if there are thousands of miles in between. Moving out is also a solution to show them you can do it on your own, too. It’s a sign of maturity.

Set goals together.
Though this may sound hard at first, or after having a fight with your parents, will bond you together extremely good. This can lead to a lot of fun, depending on the goal and can teach both of you that each person should have goals to pursue. Sometimes parents only need a small thing like this one to understand that they are part of your life.

Everyone may have a bad day, including you or your parents be it at school or at work. It takes just a few minutes of talking or maybe a joke to get the tension away. If you see your parents stressed out, talking to them always helps.

Why rules? Your parents may have rules for coming home at a certain hour or want to know who you go out with. They don’t do it to have full control of your life but because they fear for your life, in a world where gunshots at the mall, drugs or alcohol have become a normal thing. When you will be a parent you will have the same fears for your kid and trust me the first thing you can do is not hiring a bodyguard but setting rules.
You may not believe it but your parents were once teenagers, too, living in a world that was so much different than their parents’ and one of the main reasons they’re afraid you’ll make mistakes is because they probably did.

If you feel like none of the above would be helpful (and I haven’t covered relations with parents that have their own problems, like alcoholism or drugs) you should look for counseling, maybe a psychologist. There is no shame in seeking help, because it’s actually about your life and your future.


I would be interested to know what you experienced with your parents and how you dealt with them. Feel free to comment below.

Forget yourself for others, and others will never forget you.

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